E
E.v.v.THE STORY OF ME
MY YOUTH 0/12
TEENAGE YEARS 12/18
ADOLESCENCE 18/NOW
I remember my youth as a good time, a careless time. Playing with friends, not being aware of the adult world. Even tough I was not part of the grown up club yet, my first realization that my body meant something sexual, was when i was very young.
I was not allowed to wear belly button tops. even tough all my friends wore them. My mom kept saying; 'My daughter is not going to walk around like a child prostitute. I did not understand her concerns. I was just upset that I couldn't dress like my girlfriends. I never understood why seeing my bellybutton would be a sexual thing, and when I think back, I never realized that my mom was actually talking about the sexual feelings GROWN UPS might have when they see me exposed.
The shaming of my appearance and behavior really shaped itself when I was about 11 years old. Around that time I got my first period and my mind and body started to change. 11 years old is fairly young to get your first period, and I wanted to grow up as fast as possible. I got into make-up, 'teen' clothes & padded bras. People around me started to act different as well. Men started to look at me, (maybe they always did) but for the first time I really started to notice it. My mom noticed this as well and I think it really scared her.
My mother and I had constant fights about my appearance. I felt like I was always disappointing her whenever we presented ourselves as a family. I always felt like my parents where ashamed of me. I was in a constant battle between doing what I want and what my parents wanted me to do. I was very insecure when i was a young teen, and I feel like there where no examples of powerful, unapologetic women around me. I didn't know what slut shaming was, and I never knew that I didn't do anything wrong.
SLUTSHAMING WITHIN THE FAMILY STRUCTURE
Now I'm not living at home anymore, and I am a grown women. I see things from a different perspective now. I understand the 'protective' attitude of my mom but I also question her motivations. Is slutshaming me as a young adult self serving? Was my mom afraid of being judged by other adults? Or is it out of fear? Does this behavior stem from her own traumas? Is it the whole generation? Is the sexualization of a child the childs problem?
- What motivates the slutshamers > What is the difference in motivation between men and women
- Is slutshaming motivated by anger, fear, jealousy, power structures, culture?
- Do men every experience slutshaming?
- Is slutshaming always negative? Can it be positive in itself? Do the ends justify the means?
- Why are childern being confronted by sexualization at such an early age. Can you shield childern from something they do not understand?
- What is the connection between pediophelia and slutshaming. Who carries responsebility?
- Is slutshaming increasing or decreasing?
- Why is the responsebilty always for the women? Where does this come from?
- Why is sexuality everywhere (TV, social media, porn, music) But is it still frowned upon to be a women AND be a sexual being
- Why is sexuality in connection with women always presented in a negative light? (weak, not worthy, slut, arrogance, dirty) And sexuality of the men as normal and natural.
- Where are schools responsible for these normartivities?
- What can parents do to protect childern without harmning them?
- finding information on the topic > spread awareness through personal experiences and facts.
- turn the tables > instead of parents questioning the child the child will question the parents.
- normalizing questioning the way you have been brought up, without resentment or judgement.
- eventually translating our research into an actual garment to wear.
These are some clips i found interesting on the subject. It is really hard to find informing videos about being slut shamed by family members. Except for the one about the Vice documentairy about the Kalaidzhi Roma clan, a subgroup of the Roma people. They still hold on their traditions and culture, and the young women have to remain virgin to be sold for a high price at a virgin market. The Kalaisdhi clan makes it very clear that pre martial sex is off limits. But there are a lot of other strict rules as well. The girls are never to be left alone, go out or speak to guys. At the same time, the young women dress 'provocatively' at the market, and pose on facebook to market themselves to men. To me, this is a very interesting contrast.
This is the video about the Kalaidzhi Roma clan, a subgroup of the Roma people.
This is the only video that i could find of any fashion related pieces in connection with slutshaming.
I started drawing images of women when i thought about the topic. I tried to portray the feeling of being demonized, sexualized and dehumanized. Sticking their tongue out as a snake and having snake like features that represent betrayal and distrust. It also gives a feeling of being alone and being exposed. And i think that the drawing in itself already represents itself. It is just a drawing of a woman, not a woman itself. In a drawing you can make an accurate portail of someone, but you can also make anything up and make her look like something she is not.
I did a short questionaire on my friends. I am still working on how to ask the
right questions this is just the first draft.
Questionnaire slutshaming
General Information
Name: Danique van Zagten
Age: 21
Current living situation: studentroom with one housemate
Ethnicity: Nederlands
Religion: /
1. When was your first ‘slut-shaming’ experience that you recall?
At school in Germany, one summer girls suddendly werent allowed to wear tanktops and shorts anymore.
2. What was the experience about?
The school changed the rules, but didnt really explain why, at least I dont remember.
3. Have you ever experienced ‘slut-shaming’ within your family strucure? (Parents, siblings)
Not slutshaming but i do sometimes get funny comments when I am wearing something weird (to them). I mostly just explain that i am sorry that im so cool :/ they never said anything hurtful or questionable about my outfits.
4. Have you ever experienced ‘slut-shaming’ within your family structure excluding your immediate family? (Nieces, aunts, grandparents)
The same as with my parents and sibling.
5. Where there things you weren’t allowed to wear when you where younger? If yes elaborate.
My dad didnt like it when me and my sister wore panther print, he thought it looked cheap.
Now I wear it all the time but now he is okay with it.
6. How was your connection with your parents in your teenage years? (13/18)
The connection to my mom was very good in this time. I didnt see my dad regular in this time because they divorced when I was 14.
7. How is your relationship with your parents now?
With my mom still very good, and i see my dad more regular now, the relationship is better.
8. Do you think your parents are aware of the concept of slut-shaming?
I dont know if my mom would always be aware when it happens, because of how subtle people can do it, but she does know the concept. My dad also knows, my sister and i do not let him comment on anyone on the streets even if it is just about a color, when he does he gets the full sermon that everyone can wear whatever the fuck they want :)
9. How do you feel when you are being slut-shamed?
I hate it because i start questioning if it really is too slutty. But if i wear that outfit i already decided for myself it is not which should be enough.
And when i think about my first slutshame experience i feel grossed out. I was 11 at that time and now I feel like we had to change our appearance so our teachers wouldnt look at us WHICH IS GROSS
10. What do you think the difference is between being shamed by a men of by a women?
I take it more to heart when it comes from a women, because i think it is sad she feels that way after all the slutshaming she probably experienced
Questionnaire slutshaming
General Information
Name: Lotte Wierikx
Age: 21
Current living situation: Living together with my boyfriend
Ethnicity: Dutch
Religion: -
1. When was your first ‘slut-shaming’ experience that you recall?
When I was 12/13 and cycled to school with my best friend.
2. What was the experience about?
A truck passed by they honked and yelled to us that we were wearing skirts that were too short but it was “sexy”.
3. Have you ever experienced ‘slut-shaming’ within your family strucure? (Parents, siblings)
Yes with my sister
4. Have you ever experienced ‘slut-shaming’ within your family structure excluding your immediate family? (Nieces, aunts, grandparents)
Yes my whole family except my parents.
5. Where there things you weren’t allowed to wear when you where younger? If yes elaborate.
My parents never told me I couldn’t wear it but the way the looked at me said enough. My older sister said with almost everything I wore that I couldn’t wear it bc it was slutty.
6. How was your connection with your parents in your teenage years? (13/18)
I was a heavy teenager but they always respected me in who I am and tried to make me feel good about myself instead of trying to bring me down
7. How is your relationship with your parents now?
I love them and they always support me. I can talk about heavy topics and they support my opinion so thats nice
8. Do you think your parents are aware of the concept of slut-shaming?
Yes I told them many times about it and that they sometimes did it to other girls/women without them knowing iguess
9. How do you feel when you are being slut-shamed?
A long time I couldn’t handle it and became very anxious. Now I can’t care about it anymore
10. What do you think the difference is between being shamed by a men of by a women?
It hurts more if a women shames you because we should support eachother
questionaire 2
WHAT IS OUR PROJECT
GOING TO LOOK LIKE?
QUESTIONS TO ASK MYSELF
Some videos I found...
DRAWINGS ABOUT HOW SLUT
SHAMING MAKES ME FEEL
What will I do with my project?
1. translate my personal experience with my family into an actual garment
2. How do I still carry my upbringing with me in the physical form?
3. How does the violence we experienced in our upbringing translate now?
3. each pattern piece as a symbol for an experience > as a puzzle > matching different pattern pieces > with different results > different experiences mean different shapes